drinking

Two buddies, Darrel and Tommy, were getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Tommy throws up all over himself.

'Oh, no.... Now my wife will kill me!'

Darrel says, 'Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.'

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually Tommy stumbles home and his wife, Nancy, starts to give him a bad time. 'You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!'

Speaking very carefully so as to not slur his words, Tommy says, Noww wa inaminit, I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got sick on me -- he had one too many and he juss koudin hold hizz liquor He said he's was berry sorry an' gave me twenties bucks for the cleaning bill!'

Nancy looks in the breast pocket and says, 'But this is forty bucks.'

'Oh, yeah, I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too.'

thats a good one

dave d wrote:



Two buddies, Dan and Rick, were getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Rick throws up all over himself.

'Oh, no.... Now my wife will kill me!'

Dan says, 'Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell your wife that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill.'

So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.

Eventually Rick stumbles home and his wife, Sooz, starts to give him a bad time. 'You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!'

Speaking very carefully so as to not slur his words, Rick says, Noww wa inaminit, I can e'splain everythin. Itsh snot wha jew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got sick on me -- he had one too many and he juss koudin hold hizz liquor He said he's was berry sorry an' gave me twenties bucks for the cleaning bill!'

Sooz looks in the breast pocket and says, 'But this is forty bucks.'

'Oh, yeah, I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too.'

There , I fisked it fer ya

Very funny, a good clean joke

hilarious !!!!

Kinda reminds me of another one......Rick goes out one night and gets drunk and ends up in bed with a chick from a bar...He awakes at 4am and starts crying,the chick says what's wrong? He says ,Sooz is gonna kill me..I don't know what to do?? The chick puts baby powder all over his hands and says ...Go home and tell her the Truth..Rick says ,I can't tell her the Truth, she'll kill me!! The chick says trust me ,I know how women think!! So..Ole Rick goes home and Sooz meets him at the door, she's pissed ,and says Just Where the Hell have you been until 4 in the morning....Rick ,says..well honey I went out drinkin and ended up spending the night with a Chick from the bar....Sooz looks at him and sees his hands ,and starts in on him..she says ...You Lying Bastard!! Look at your hands..You've been out Bowling with guys again!!!

Can't tell Dan anything.He tells it all
There's no honor among drunks anymore

What are FRIENDS for

dave d wrote:What are FRIENDS for

Hiding stuff in your jacket pockets...what else???

56Tbird wrote:

dave d wrote:What are FRIENDS for

Hiding stuff in your jacket pockets...what else???

Don't blame me and Harold for YOUR criminal intentions.

I don't know why he had that buttered roll in his pocket.

342g wrote:I don't know why he had that buttered roll in his pocket.

We all know he likes buttering rolls.

342g wrote:I don't know why he had that buttered roll in his pocket.

I was gonna roll it around in my underwear and give it to Rick