Morning funny....

FUNNY SHIT right there, I don't care who you are, I think everybody has experenced these tools

Actual lines written into hospital charts
1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8 The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (OMG! that is some examination)
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22 The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

I think I wrote # 7.
I once had a patient get offended when her mamogram came back and report stated "Breast's are unremarkable" guess she wasn't used to hearig that.

A little boy says to his mother,"Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"

His mother replied, "Don't even go there! From what I remember about that party, you're fucking lucky you don't bark

I was eating lunch and drinking my coffee with my 6-year-old and I
Asked her, "What is the 20th of February?"
She said "President's Day!"

She is a smart kid, so, I asked her, "What does President's Day mean?"
I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln etc.

She replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the
White House, and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of
Unemployment."

You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose.

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with queenly large breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the
Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that, among all of the citizens of the kingdom, only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching
powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and was hailed by both the King and Queen as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick . . .


The moral of the story - Pay your ….' bills.

Remove politics from your mind and check the numbers here.
Cost to operate a Chevy Volt:

Eric Bolling (Fox Business Channel's Follow the Money) test drove the Chevy Volt at the invitation of General Motors.

For four days in a row, the fully charged battery lasted only 25 miles before the Volt switched to the reserve gasoline engine.
Eric calculated the car got 30 mpg including the 25 miles it ran on the battery. So, the range including the 9 gallon gas tank and the 16 kwh
batery is approximately 270 miles. It will take you 4 1/2 hours to drive 270 miles at 60 mph. Then add 10 hours to charge the battery and
you have a total trip time of 14.5 hours. In a typical road trip your average speed (including charging time) would be 20 mph.

According to General Motors, the Volt battery hold 16 kwh of electricity. It takes a full 10 hours to charge a drained battery.

The cost for the electricity to charge the Volt is never mentioned so I looked up what I pay for electricity. I pay approximately (it varies with amount used and the seasons) $1.16
per kwh.

16 kwh x $1.16 per kwh = $18.56 to charge the battery. $18.56 per charge divided by 25 miles = $0.74 per mile to operate the Volt using the battery.

Compare this to a similar size car with a gasoline engine only that gets 32 mpg. $3.19 per gallon divided by 32 mpg = $0.10 per mile.

The gasoline powered car cost about $15,000 while the Volt costs $46,000.

So GM wants us to pay 3 times as much for a car that costs more that 7 times as much to run and takes 3 times as long to drive across country.

REALLY? WHAT A JOKE!

GM..............

Something in that doesnt add up highest electric rates in the nation are around 22 cents per kwh before taxes and surcharges.

lghting94 wrote:Something in that doesnt add up highest electric rates in the nation are around 22 cents per kwh before taxes and surcharges.

thats that "CAP & TRADE" deal...

There was a knock on the door this past Saturday morning.

I opened it to find a young, well-dressed man standing there who said:

"Hello sir, I'm a Jehovah's Witness."

So I said "Come in and sit down."

I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked "What do you want to talk about?"

He said, "Beats the shit out of me! Nobody ever let me in before."

I just looked at my Power Bill and they charge me $10.08 for 16 KW of electricity. so with that it would look this way.

16 kwh x $.63 per kwh = $10.08 to charge the battery. $10.08 per charge divided by 25 miles = $0.40 per mile to operate the Volt using the battery.

Now I average 22 miles a day to work and back home to the charging unit working 6 days a week = 132 miles per week x .40 per mile = $52.80 per week or $105.60 every two weeks.

I now have a 2002 Pontiac Grand Am with a 2.2 Ecotec 4 banger. I have to fill up every 300 miles or every two weeks @ 13.0 gals of gas @ $3.59 per gal. = $46.67 so $46.67 Divided by 300 = .015 per mile.

So Mr dfree383 isn't that far off from his posting.

A New Chevy Volt would cost $105.60 every two weeks to get to work and back.
Where my current ride cost me $46.67 in gas every two weeks. That's over double.


Dan

Dan KW is generally a demand charge and kwh is a consumption charge. If you only used 16 kwh in a month you couldn't even run a 60 watt light bulb but 10 hrs a day for 30 days.

I have a meter over in the barn we rent across the road. the only thing over there is 10, 60W CPF lights, a Fencer, and a tank heater. last months bill was 02/08/2012 388 kWh $58.27.
But I had a few months where I only used 16 kWh
10/06/2011 16 kWh $9.33 and
11/07/2011 16 kWh $10.08 Must be a winter charge.


But only time the lights are turn on is when we are doing choirs
I also have a 60 W light in the Water Room to keep the water from freezing in the faucet. that one is on 24/7 From Nov. Thur April.

Ever seen a dog with one green eye??

click here.

lghting94 wrote:Dan KW is generally a demand charge and kwh is a consumption charge. If you only used 16 kwh in a month you couldn't even run a 60 watt light bulb but 10 hrs a day for 30 days.

Our rate per kwh is 9.75 cents

16 kwh would be $1.56

Your barn is probably like ours here on a commercial rate with a minimum charge, ours is $13.00 if you use anything or not. so if I used 16 kwh my bill would be $14.56.

Just saying...............

jasonf wrote:Ever seen a dog with one green eye??

click here.

What dog?????

69bluehotrod wrote:

jasonf wrote:Ever seen a dog with one green eye??

click here.

What dog?????

Is she taking a poop?

TRUKPULR wrote:I just looked at my Power Bill and they charge me $10.08 for 16 KW of electricity. so with that it would look this way.

16 kwh x $.63 per kwh = $10.08 to charge the battery. $10.08 per charge divided by 25 miles = $0.40 per mile to operate the Volt using the battery.

Now I average 22 miles a day to work and back home to the charging unit working 6 days a week = 132 miles per week x .40 per mile = $52.80 per week or $105.60 every two weeks.

I now have a 2002 Pontiac Grand Am with a 2.2 Ecotec 4 banger. I have to fill up every 300 miles or every two weeks @ 13.0 gals of gas @ $3.59 per gal. = $46.67 so $46.67 Divided by 300 = .015 per mile.

So Mr dfree383 isn't that far off from his posting.

A New Chevy Volt would cost $105.60 every two weeks to get to work and back.
Where my current ride cost me $46.67 in gas every two weeks. That's over double.


Dan

I'm getting one great deal on electric 300 kwh for $71

DanH wrote:

TRUKPULR wrote:I just looked at my Power Bill and they charge me $10.08 for 16 KW of electricity. so with that it would look this way.

16 kwh x $.63 per kwh = $10.08 to charge the battery. $10.08 per charge divided by 25 miles = $0.40 per mile to operate the Volt using the battery.

Now I average 22 miles a day to work and back home to the charging unit working 6 days a week = 132 miles per week x .40 per mile = $52.80 per week or $105.60 every two weeks.

I now have a 2002 Pontiac Grand Am with a 2.2 Ecotec 4 banger. I have to fill up every 300 miles or every two weeks @ 13.0 gals of gas @ $3.59 per gal. = $46.67 so $46.67 Divided by 300 = .015 per mile.

So Mr dfree383 isn't that far off from his posting.

A New Chevy Volt would cost $105.60 every two weeks to get to work and back.
Where my current ride cost me $46.67 in gas every two weeks. That's over double.


Dan

I'm getting one great deal on electric 300 kwh for $71

Ouch.

IDT-572 wrote:

lghting94 wrote:Dan KW is generally a demand charge and kwh is a consumption charge. If you only used 16 kwh in a month you couldn't even run a 60 watt light bulb but 10 hrs a day for 30 days.

Our rate per kwh is 9.75 cents

16 kwh would be $1.56

Your barn is probably like ours here on a commercial rate with a minimum charge, ours is $13.00 if you use anything or not. so if I used 16 kwh my bill would be $14.56.

Just saying...............

Eletricity is Cheap in TN and some areas, Look at rates in California or Hawaii........ also consider putting a few millon of them on the road and see where generation capacity and price goes.

What it comes down to is Electric cars are just not pratical for larges scale used, it makes no sence to burn energy to make another kind of energy. Your not gaining a damn thing.

During his golfing vacation at Martha's Vineyard - President ***** had been slicing off the tee on every hole. He asks his Scottish born caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots to which the caddy replies: "Aye, there's a piece of shyt on the end of yer driver. " The President picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the caddy says: "No, the other end."

TWO TOUGH QUESTIONS



SOME REAL FOOD FOR THOUGHT!
2 TOUGH QUESTIONS ……..

Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant,
Who had 8 kids already,
Three who were deaf,
Two who were blind,
One mentally retarded,
And she had syphilis,
Would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts..
Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.
He's had two mistresses.
He also chain smokes
And drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B:
He was kicked out of office twice,
Sleeps until noon,
Used opium in college
And drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C:
He is a decorated war hero,
He's a vegetarian,
Doesn't smoke,
Drinks an occasional beer
And never committed adultery.


Which of these candidates would be our choice?

Decide first ... No peeking, and then scroll down for the response.









Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:

If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.


Pretty interesting isn't it?
Makes a person think before judging someone.


Remember:

Amateurs ... Built the ark.
Professionals ... Built the Titanic


You gotta pass this on ... 2 TOUGH QUESTIONS.